Like the saying goes, if you aren't getting better, you are getting worse. And who loses when we get worse? Our kids do. How fair is that? If that were the case, each parent should be forced to look at their child in the face and say, "You know I could be a better parent, but that's life. It's not realistic for you to expect me to be a perfect parent. I only have so much time/energy I am willing to commit to parenting, the rest I need for myself." Yikes. Which to me says I must always strive to be a perfect parent. No, that doesn't mean I will ever make it and no it doesn't mean I have to beat my self up all the time for not being perfect. But if that is my reason for NOT trying, we should be ashamed of ourselves. Notice how those statements work? "I will never be a perfect parent. I am not going to take that view because I don't want to beat myself up over failing." One word. Selfish.
Ok, try this on for size. "Mom, I am not going to try to be the son/daughter you are trying to make me because I will never be that perfect." Would you accept that from your 6 year old? Why can you say it to him/her? Obviously we don't actually SAY those very words, but our actions do.
Now some of you may be asking, who is this guy and how does he know that others parent like this? Well, I make no bones about the fact I too often settle and don’t strive to be the best parent I can be. But I don’t give up the goal of being that perfect dad. I fall off but I at least get back up on that horse. Some were never on it and some have no desire to try again. And how do I know this? I see it and I hear it. In my dealings with coaches and parents in youth sports, I see first hand the parenting that goes on. I hear conversations in the hall and in the stands and on the sidelines. And all too often they are parents "settling" because that's just life. "I am sorry Timmy, it's not realistic for you to expect me ________. I have life to do. My job, golf, Desperate Housewives, 24, college football, yard work, surfing the web, talking on the phone, rolling my hair, reading my magazine are more important right now. Maybe later."
Do all those things have a place in our lives? Of course. Some more than others. But if those same life things begin to continually prevent you from doing even the most basic of parenting tasks; it becomes easy to see why we would feel it is impossible to "perfect."
If you are raising your child in a Christian home, let me pose this question. Is it your job to make your child the best basketball player or violinist or to raise them to be strong Christian men and women? Do your actions and activities show that to them?
If you don’t miss a day taking them to gymnastics but find it easy to skip church…
If you teach them in great detail how to throw a curve ball but never how to study the bible or pray…
If you sit and read the paper every day but they never see you open your bible…
If this is you, what can you realistically hope to produce? I’ll tell you. A gymnast who thinks of church as secondary to life… A pitcher who will one day be too uncomfortable around the bible to even teach his own kids about the Word…Someone who is up on world events but only opens the bible when trials hit close to home. Because that is the life they were shown.
If this applies to you, it’s not too late to make a change. Need help along the way? The bible is the great direction book for the world. Show your kids the importance of opening it, using it and living by it. Abandon life for a Godly life. And never stop striving.
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